Written May 2000. Revised and Edited November 2024
This piece was originally written, arguably, when I had plenty of time on my hands. Before my current job, I spent eight and a bit year on the dole. Throughout this period, I was single and not so much mingling. As much as I wanted, and tried, to change these two situations in my life, the computer was saying “NO!”. Probably because internet dating and job searching were in their infancy. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it…
I used to attend a creative writing group. Each week, we were given a different topic to write about. To be honest, I can’t remember the given subject that led me to tell this tale, but I based the forthcoming text on an imaginary first meeting, with a television journalist, who turned my head at the time. I have edited and updated this blog to reflect the times we currently live in.
How can I best describe this person of my attraction from afar? A Plain Jane on first impressions. She had an understated beauty, hidden behind her style of dress and fragile confidence.
We met in the queue at the Post Office. She was enquiring about home insurance (prior to the likes of ‘Money Supermarket’ being many peoples’ go to for this kind of thing) and I was cashing my giro. It was she who spoke first, softly, but firmly, asking me to move up. I replied,
“Oh, sorry, my head’s gone to ‘Planet Jarmin’ as per usual”
This made her laugh, always a good sign when you are trying to impress a woman. We hit it off there and then.
We decided to continue our conversation over a coffee, at a greasy spoon café across the road. My suggestion or, being honest, what I could afford at the time. She told me this was not her usual scene, more an upmarket coffee house. However, she surprisingly enjoyed the down to earth atmosphere of the place. She phoned in ‘sick’ to her work. For some strange reason spending an afternoon with my intellect and wit, was slightly more enticing than facing the fun and games of her job. We spent the afternoon wandering around an art gallery, thoroughly enjoying one another’s company. The whole thing was totally surreal. The two of us, from opposite ends of the social spectrum, being thrown together thanks to our amazingly well-run postal service, long before we all knew about the ‘Horizon’ shenanigans…
We decided to go back to her place. Well, I couldn’t take her back to mine, which was a combination of ‘The Young Ones’, ‘Rising Damp’, and ‘Steptoe and Son’. We spent a romantic evening, with a few bottles of wine and cans of ale, listening to music. Our tastes were very similar, Tori Amos, Peter Gabriel and The Sex Pistols. We engaged in some deep and meaningful conversations.
Like all good fairytales, we lived happily ever after, in my self-designed, experimental house. She the breadwinner, whilst I kept house. I was free to develop my ‘Create to Feel Great’ project, without those lovely people at the dole on my back ‘encouraging’ me to get a 9-5 job…
Now, the Jerry Springer bit. Those familiar with his television programme, at the time, will recall that, at the end of each show, he delivered a moral summing up of the particular subject which had been discussed. Stalking had never had such a high profile, with several top celebrities being attacked and even killed, by those who had had dangerous fixations with them. This kind of behaviour cannot be condoned in any way. However, I strongly believe there can be positive ways to channel these feelings. I have achieved lots of things, such as a degree in Architecture, through my attractions from afar.
A footnote. Some twenty-four years since writing this piece, I have a permanent job of 22 years, my own flat, and a long-term soulmate of 15 years. I guess if you dream hard enough, sometimes they might just come true (although I’m still waiting for Palace to win the Champions Leage…).
In my next blog post, I shall be reliving a memorable football match, where the Eagles stuffed the Hammers’ bubbles up their ***.
Jarmin Apple
November 2024
"Drop-in and Chill Out" 